The young woman that I have been talking about in my last few blogs is the daughter of a pastor.
This pastor leads the smallish church that I attend.
The church was founded by the same pastor nine years ago. He moved down from Virginia with his wife specifically to begin a church in the Orlando area.
Today I would guess that the regular attendance at this church is probably a couple of hundred. Maybe not that much. Maybe between 150 and 200 .
I often find myself thinking about this church and its numbers. The church has been around for nine years. It has always met at this venue.
I’ve known people who have done music at this church for years. They seem to come and go. I know that that is not atypical as churches go, but it has seemed like there is a bit more coming and going than normal.
I’ve attended this church for 2 1/2 years now. I still think about myself as a newcomer, but now when I’m talking to other people, I realize that I’m not a newcomer compared with them. A lot of the people that I talk to you have only been coming in the last six months or year.
About three months ago I made a comment to somebody via Facebook. No, actually it was a question about an event at this church.
She wrote back and said, oh, we haven’t been going to that church since last Easter. Which at that time was six months earlier.
I was astounded, but then again, not, because my attendance had been spotty, so I thought maybe I just hadn’t seen her.
Not long after that I began to notice some other people that weren’t there anymore. And then the music leader and his wife fairly abruptly left. I didn’t know why they were leaving, so I asked the wife.
She said that they were leaving because it felt like the church was a business and not a family. That basically summed up their recent for leaving.
But when I looked around, I realized that a lot of people had left. This has been quite distressing.
I have been looking for a place that is stable and where there is a minimal amount of drama and ego.
I thought I had found that. I’m not giving up and I’m not leaving, but it does fill me with unease when I observe how many people have left.
I know that I will not get into a leadership position with this church any time soon. That will get me too close to the pastor.
I’ve had experiences in the last ten years, taking on leadership positions that put me in close enough range that I could see more of the pastors’ humanity than I wanted to see. Along with observing their genuine, loving hearts, I’ve also seen their controlling, micro-managing, god-complex sides. And honestly, I can’t deal with any more of that right now.
For my own sanity and spiritual health, I will stay far away from the pastors and their inner leadership circle. I will just serve quietly in my corner and continue to be one of the masses as much as possible.